Joshua's site

Amazon prime.
End blog post.
Okay, fine. International viewer info dump. A e-girl is a girl who makes money online by using her looks. Either through taking photos, selling nude photos or video, or just talking to men online. Men dump a ton of money into them because they are trying to fill an emotional void they are missing. Twitch is a streaming service that is supposed to be for games but people stream anything there now. As long as it is not pornographic. Cool? Cool.

This will be an easy post. I always see people complain about e-girls being on Twitch and question why they don’t go to a adult website to stream. There’s quite a few reasons but I will go over a few. Not only that people wonder why everyone used Twitch and no one uses Mixr (I do), D-Live, YouTube, or any other streaming service.

Why does no one leave Twitch and do e-girls fight so hard to be allowed to use Twitch for their softcore streams? Amazon prime. Once Twitch premium became free with Amazon prime the amount of e-girls who switched from adult sites to Twitch jumped. The amount of streamers jumped. Getting that free $5 a month is important. There are people who only sub with their free Amazon prime. There are kids who use their parents Amazon prime. So, if you switch to another service you are losing a percent of your audience that can’t get Twitch subs because they are kids or don’t think you’re actually worth the $5 a month but are worthy of the free subs. Even if this is just 20%, made up number, that is still a 20% loss of “guaranteed” revenue. If you switch to Mixr those kids more than likely can’t get their parents to sub.

The free twitch sub with Amazon prime is a great gift for all. Due to this they have an iron grasp on streaming. Even if Microsoft gave a Mixer sub with their Azure service no regular person subs to that. If they gave it to the Xbox Gamepass there are still less people with Xbox Gamepass compared to prime. However, it would still help and is what I would recommend for Mixr to do. Hell, even giving it to XBL gold would do a lot to boost Mixr. As for D-live? Sorry, no clue there. You guys don’t have a giant network like Amazon or Microsoft. YouTube? Google Playstore + could give a free YouTube premium sub. This would do a lot for channels too and help with YouTube ad issues.

We see that these e-girls can get a free $5 using Amazon prime but why don’t they just use an adult site? Especially since those pay out more and you could make a lot doing it (touched on later) and even find a way into the adult film industry. If you tell someone you are a successful cam girl they will think less of you. However, if you tell someone you are a successful Twitch streamer, they are jealous. Despite the fact your Twitch streams are softcore porn. Girls sit there and just moan on camera as an ASMR, to be honest I have no clue what this really is anymore, stream, body paint their upper body, sit in skimpy cosplay/outfits and talk, do suggestive yoga poses (as someone who did yoga for years there are many non-suggestive yoga poses.), and do compromising situations where there is a possibility of a tit slip. To me that is actually less honorable then just pleasing yourself on camera for money. At least there everything is up front and you’re honest that it is sex work.

Don’t forget the fun that you are usually emotionally manipulating men, hiding you have a boyfriend/husband (for this reason), and largely ignore people until they start paying you. Then you take “donations” of flowers, games, etc even though you know these men are sending them as gifts of love. You are preying on young boys, young men, and the emotionally unstable men. Of course this could be said about cam girl work and then guys take that to an extreme control; like I had mentioned before.

I know what some people are thinking. How do you know this? Well, as someone who has dabbled in the cam girl world for a long time I can tell you I have seen many switch from being cam girls to Twitch streamers the second free Twitch premium was added with Amazon prime. One girl I used to know made her entire day’s haul from an adult site on Twitch in half the amount of time. She then went back to selling her porn videos in private and made even more money! Even more people were buying her videos now that it wasn’t pay $20 to watch her take her top off. The videos went from $10 a video to $20 and were selling way more than before. This was because you had the mystery of what her body like. Unlike when she was a cam girl.

Not only that all the controlling men weren’t there on Twitch like they were on the other site. In fact, it was the opposite. It was men she could easily control adding to her making even more money. This is actually the reason I stopped talking to her. She was knowingly manipulating these men. Despite Twitch taking more money then some adult sites the free subs and simps/easily controllable men just made it too lucrative.

This is the reason why e-girls use Twitch. Even if they went to a porn site they would not make as much money. Even if you could get everyone there to donate like currently and sub your viewers then have to explain to their mom/wife/girl friend why their credit card statement has a lot of charges to a porn site. If they have $500 to Twitch they can lie that they donated to a bunch of random streamers. Try explaining to your wife you donated $500 to a cam girl site. I knew someone who got caught over $5 and it nearly ended a marriage and they had kids. Men can easily donate money, and more at that, to Twitch.

You can watch Twitch at work which lets you donate more money. Twitch is not seen as pornographic. It is seen as video games. So, if you are getting your rocks off to an ASMR channel at work then no one will know. If you are spending your time fawning over cosplay girl you can change the window and everyone just see Twitch. Amazon knows this too. If you think it is weird they let a lot of e-girls slide by it is because they make a massive cut off of them. Especially after they lost Ninja and have been losing other streamers due to partnership deals.

This is also why no matter what people will always use Twitch. Until other companies add a free premium to their other service sub accounts people are less likely to stream at the other sites. If you can get 10 people to pay to sub to you then I am sure you can at least get 2-4 more who will use their free sub on you. Hell, you could possibly get more. The idea that you can get those free subs matters a lot. No amount of power hungry buck-kins will make people leave Twitch because you will lose your Amazon prime subs.

Why do I procrastinate? Why do we in general? Lately I have been trying to improve my life and I realized I am a massive procrastinator. So, here is a post basically just for me. I will be going through things I am working on, why I procrastinate, how I procrastinate, how to try to stop it, and why I want to do it.

Learning Chinese: (Fear)
Why: I am afraid of sounding silly and people laughing at me. At work a lot of coworkers seem to laugh at us when we try to speak Chinese. It makes me pretty self conscious about it. I’ve asked and many say they don’t mean it like that, but it is still harmful. They are starting to stop however. It doesn’t help that I’m in a generally rude city too. When I went to visit south China any time I attempted to speak Chinese everyone was so happy and encouraging for me to speak. Here shopkeepers are very happy when I try but I will hear people mocking me directly behind. I’ve had a few shopkeepers tell them to shut up but it is still annoying.
How I do it: I will instead rush through my studies and half ass them. I don’t spend time trying to commit to memory or use it in day to day life. Then when studying I will fuck off on my phone.
How I can stop it: Spend the full 30 minutes to hour studying. Don’t speed through it in 10-15. Spend time practicing the words and writing them down. Hide my phone, or turn it off, while I study. Ignore when others say bad things and try to improve through it.
Why I want to learn it: I live in China so it is very important to my survival to be able to speak Chinese.

Programming my game:(Fear,self doubt, and perfection)
Why: I fear I will not be able to do it. That I am not good enough to be able to program it and finish it. That it’ll be a buggy mess and my code will be so bad that Yanderedev will look like a deity by me. As I write Psuedo code I constantly second guess myself and throw away tons of stuff. This is why I also I don’t post update often with a game. I’m afraid of announcing something because I don’t know if it’ll make it. I wan to try to get to a level to where I feel comfortable announcing things because I just finished a lot of design work on it.
How I do it: I will keep designing and over designing and pick apart everything. Then trash it all and start a new project. I never start on the actual programming. I will start and then stop and go back to designing.
How I can stop it: Commit, learn when to actually work, and programming classes. Learn good enough is fine.
Why I want to learn it: I love to create. I love to program, I am just afraid of it. I want to get my studio officially started and going. While this game won’t be a big break; it’ll at least show some designing talent.

Super Mario Maker 2 World: (Arrogance)
Why: I hate playing with others tool sets.
How I do it: Instead I design levels for my own 2D platformer that will never be made.
How I can stop it: At least try to create a map a week and learn to work with limitations
Why: I need to learn to work with others tool sets and limitations. It’ll help me in everyway.

My songs: (Fear, perfection, and self doubt)
Why: I believe I can’t make a good song.
How I do it: I learn other songs to learn tunes and then never actually study it. Then I will start to learn a new song and just never finish a song I work on.
How I can stop it: Study a song as I learn it to see why it works and sounds good. Then tweak and try to emulate.
Why: I enjoy music and I enjoy writing songs.

Working out: (Laziness)
Why: I get off of work late so I am usually tired. Due to this I never work out.
How I do it: I say I am tired or don’t have time.
How I can fix it: Wake up earlier and go for jogs/walks or go after work. Try to find a way to work out at home until the gym is open.
Why: I need to lose a lot of weight. I’m fat.

My website: (lack of self worth)
Why: I believe I don’t matter and no one cares what I have to say. That no one cares in general. There are a few topics I want to write about but don’t know how or if I should.
How I do it: Come up with a topic. Over analyze it and think no one wants to hear what I have to say.
How I can fix it: Try to write one at least once a week? just get over the fear I don’t matter, but that’s hard to do. Get used to posting.
Why:…. It feels good to write and express myself.

My story and poems: (fear and self doubt)
Why: I believe I am an awful writer and story teller. A few people have read snippets and say they like what they read. The poems seem to be hit or miss, but that is okay. Posting them here has been helping.
How I do it: I start writing new things and just abandon them. Leaving them forever unfinished hoping to forget.
How I can fix it: Work on finishing a writing. Setting goals on finishing sections. Maybe I can try announcing something or posting it? But, I feel that’ll end with disappointment. Stop writing multiple things at once.
Why: I like to write and I want to get better at it. However, I am just afraid I can’t get better.

Wow. honestly half of this I didn’t even know or think of until now. This was pretty therapeutic and good for me. I need to work on these. I need to work on my procrastination. I need to improve. I am kind of seeing what to do now. I am actually reflecting as I am writing this outro. I need to work on fixing them and how to stop it and committing on stopping it.

Do you want to know something odd? I hate tech reviews. A lot of people find this weird because I look up reviews for everything. However, for tech I almost ignore them all. Why? Because a lot of tech reviews are awful and all of them are worthless except for forum reviews 1-2 years after the product has been out. How? I’ll explain.

First, I want to go over the importance of a review. Reviews are very important because they tell us about something before we buy it. We can find reviewers who align to our tastes and judge off of that. There used to be a game reviewer for Nintendo Power I basically aligned with. If he gave a thumbs up I tried it, down I was cautious. The same goes for music. I have a few friends if they recommend something I’ll check it out because our tastes align pretty well. Of course the issue is most reviews are pure opinions. Roger Ebert didn’t like slasher movies so he was never going to give Friday the 13^th a positive review. Tech reviews are different. They’re supposed to be based on facts, but are they?

A main issue I have with tech reviews is many of them pass their opinions off like facts. You can read a review from some games website, rotten tomatoes, or watch one on YouTube for a piece of media and everyone will frame something in the term of an opinion. This is important because it lets us know they don’t hold this as absolute fact and it is their opinion so things can change. Even with this review of tech reviews I’ve referenced this is my opinion of them and this is what I find faulty with them.

“But with tech it’s not a matter of opinion! If a piece of hardware works or doesn’t work that is fact.” Yes, you are correct. THAT is a fact. For instance, if I buy something that promises to play Doom Eternal in 8k at 240 FPS on max settings and it can’t even run it at 720p30 then it is a fact the product fails to meet its advertised specs. Which will then lead to a poor review. However, if you ever look at tech reviews you can always tell which company the reviewer has a bias for once you start reading their stuff. There was a phone I was going to buy. It got shit reviews. Finally I decided to read these reviews. Every technical aspect made the phone sound amazing. It loaded X programs faster then the other phones they rated higher. Its battery lasted longer under heavy loads. It cooled down faster. So, what was the issue? It was a Huawei phone.

Looking at every other review these people made of Huawei phones was poor. Even with some great phones. They were rating budget MetroPCS phones higher then this phone. Why? Well, I did some digging. Because the phone had bezels, they didn’t like where the speakers were positioned, they didn’t like that the 3.5MM port was on the bottom of the phone, and other non-issues. They took their bias out on the phone using things that don’t matter but passing them off as facts. “Bezels looks ugly and no one wants them”. Blow me. I love bezels. “Phone has a 3.5mm why when we have bluetooh?” Etc… They would pass these off as deductions for the facts of the product rather then opinions. So you’d have a 4-5 star phone down to 1-2 over cosmetics and personal gripes listed as facts. Then you’d go to an objectively worse preforming phone and it was 4-5 stars.

Of course this issue is with some reviewers not all. So where is the big fault in tech reviews, and why I said to wait a year? Another big issue with tech reviews is they test the product out for a limited time and then tell you buy it don’t buy it. Then in a month the product sets on fire in airplanes (Samsung…). This is where my main issue with tech reviews come in. GamersNexus, a channel I love, has fallen to this issue in the past and had to retract a recommendation because they were getting slammed with questions of “This gets your seal of approval!?” What happened is they recommended a liquid cooler for AMD processors that later wound up causing them to overheat because it would get clogged. Apparently this didn’t start to happen until 5 months into the product being used. After an investigation they found their review models weren’t doing the same and requested fans send in theirs as proof. They got the proof and did an interview of it.

All good right? Well, kind of. While GamersNexus did retract and even investigate this issue they still give reviews based off of limited time usage, as do most tech reviewers. While GamersNexus has stepped up their reviewing process this will always be an issue. Unfortunately it isn’t viable to hold a review for a year or give month to month updates by constantly wasting time using the product to see how it fairs. This is why I tend to buy from brands that have proven themselves and models that have been proven. I never buy the latest greatest because that’s asking for trouble.

I remember in the 00’s when AMD was picking up. Everyone would recommend their processors because they were outperforming Intel. Then after a few months they started to match Intel then after a year and few months doing worse. Everyone I know who used AMD, myself included, were needing to replace parts much faster then Intel counter parts. While the Intel parts were objectively worse out of the starting gate, and priced much higher, in the long run they were objectively better. With my P4 from when windows XP came out lasting until Windows 7 and preforming degrading within reason compared to my friends with AMDs who were replacing them often and meeting my performance until I replaced it. “Wait you said you had a P4!” Yeah, I had to swap back because I couldn’t afford a new processor . This is actually the reason why I refuse to get a Ryzen. As amazing as they are out of the box the track record I’ve seen and had with AMD with product degrading at an alarming rate makes me cautious to try it. Now Ryzen 3 has been out for a bit and it doesn’t seem to have too much of an issue? But, I can’t tell because I see people replacing processors for new Ryzens and not caring because they’re cheap. However, I see people who have had them for a while with minimal issues. They just have to keep replacing the water pumps to keep up with cooling. Which makes me think they are failing, or the pumps are, and they are making a lot of heat due to it. No clue, while people with Intel are just reporting false numbers. So, it’s a lose lose in general this time.

Honestly, I would like for reviewers to use the product over time and keep us up to date because unless something drastic happens like the Samsung phones exploding or the water pump issue that GamersNexus addressed stuff like this never gets brought up in future reviews of products. Even the iPhone bendgate issue was left out of most reviews until later YouTube consumer reviews happened. This is why I recommend using forums for reviews and going with who has an honest track record. Someone who had a motherboard for 2 weeks doesn’t know how reliable it is, especially with wonky Windows updates, compared to someone who had it for a year and it just fell apart. Yes that happened to me. I bought a highly reviewed motherboard and then within 2 years the PCIE slots just popped off and MSI refused to RMA it.

Why would I like reviewers to do this instead of my current method of forum posts? Simply because a reviewer is supposed to have a better understanding and grasp of how to describe and compare things. They are also supposed to remain neutral, but that ain’t happening. In the end though someone who can describe why something sucks VS “It sucks” is better to me.

What’s this? I dated a cam girl? I’m a simp? I’m a cuck!?
No, just dumb. Real quick for international readers. A simp is a man who follows the words of a woman to a fault and does whatever she wants. A cuck is a man who lets another man have sex with his girlfriend/wife. A cam girl is a girl who exposes herself online for money. Alright, good? Let’s go!

So, how did I get into this situation? Why am I talking about it now? Why does it matter? In reverse order: It matters because it is a very odd and interesting life the girls have chosen. Many do not understand the difficulties these women go through and many women do not understand the difficulties that will happen. Why now? Half the Idubbz stuff, a YouTuber who is in this situation, and half just wanting to tell a story of my life no one knows. How did this happen? Well, let’s begin.

I had just broken up with my fiance. I was in my early 20s. I was fat, low self esteem, wanted to die, and thought no one would ever love me much less find me attractive. I started to visit cam girl sites to just feel that need of girls liking me. The lie that they enjoyed my company. Oddly enough after a while a few models did ask me out and some gave me their personal numbers without me paying them or anything. This all went no where due to this story. It was a very weird time of my life, if I must say so. There’s even one who added me on STEAM and we’d play together and I was helping her file the visa paperwork to leave Russia and she just vanished. Her friends have no idea where she went either.

So, I met a girl. We hit it off and start to date. Eventually she reveals she is a cam girl to me, only because she just lost her job. Okay, I’m pretty desperate at this point so I’m taking what I can get. Paranoid though I watch a few of her streams. They’re pretty tame by comparison of others. Things go on. She’s looking for work, can’t find any that pays anywhere near as well as being a cam girl full time which further adds to issues. This was also in a time where cam girls didn’t give out stuff like Snapchat, Skype, Whatsapp, and other ways to contact them. It was if you are tipping I am yours the second tips end I am not. Again, I was desperate. Well, that and a few other things changed pretty fast.

For those that don’t know cam sites go through fads. Like, for a while every site had to have a Fuck Machine, a machine that pounded a dildo at high speeds into girls and often hurt the girls. Sites had to ban these because they were liabilities. There was the pussy pump phase. This is where you’d get something to just suck on the lips of your pussy with a pump to inflate the lips. It too caused great harm to girls. Why does this matter? Well, if you don’t join in the phases your followers will leave. You will go from making 2,000 USD a day to 50 in the drop of a hat. All because you refuse to do things like fisting, anal, fuck machines, etc… This is when I started to have issues.

While I am a sexually adventurous person. I am actually tame by the more adventurous people. My rule to her was I was not comfortable with her doing things I myself wouldn’t want done to her or could harm her body. She eventually lied and hid her stream from me. Things just ramped up, constantly. Sex toys the size of my arm. Vibrators attached to her phone so the guys could control her throughout the day. The constant texting.

However, when it affected day to day life is where I drew the line. I actually made it clear I didn’t approve of her doing the GPS bluetooth vibrator that they could control at will as long as they kept paying her. I also didn’t approve of her eventually selling her Skype. If I was desperate I have no clue what these men were. All of them were controlling. For $10 a month they demanded her to talk to her at every second. She could be out with her mom and they’d threaten to remove their $10 because she was 20 minutes late replying to a Skype message. They constantly sent her dick pics. They constantly demanded special nude photos. They demanded every action of her life. This is the part of online sex work no one talks about. These guys aren’t just paying to see you naked. They’re either paying to control you or have you as their girlfriend.

Much like the Japanese idol industry, just escalated to a level you couldn’t imagine. Anytime there was anything they didn’t like money was pulled. They all knew she needed this job. They used that to constantly control her. Why not tell them to fuck off and get better customers? That ain’t how it works. Every day there are 10+ girls creating accounts to replace you. By month 1 you are old news to most. Those that have stayed are dumping hundreds of dollars into your streams and paying monthly to talk to you. You ain’t getting new customers on average. Especially once you’ve been doing it for a few months. If you don’t listen to them they will just move on and you’re now out money.

Why not just get a new job? Despite what everyone thinks this job does affect -your hiring potential. Once things started to get too crazy she tried to leave. 7 -11, Walmart, Target, GameStop, BestBuy, Domino’s, McDonalds, and many other low skilled jobs wouldn’t hire her. Much less any job that had any actual hiring requirements. This is because every job does an insane background check on you. They will search your Twitter history and if you posted something too negative you’re out. Imagine what selling videos of you masturbating does to your hiring potential.

“Why did you stay through this and then leave?” – I actually didn’t. When I found out she was hiding shows I broke up with her. Of course, by this point is when the GPS stuff was happening and the texting was starting. I was tired of her doing it. I was upset constantly and it really put a massive strain on our relationship. It got to the point to where I was too afraid to even try to have sex because I thought I couldn’t please her. When your girlfriend is shoving cucumbers in her asshole and her fist in her vagina you have to wonder if you’ll ever be enough.

So, what’s the point you ask? To open eyes on the online sex industry. A lot of women join this. Thinking it’ll be easy. Rub myself and get free money. That’s not really the case. You can tell those who think that VS those that don’t. You have to be prepared to have people clawing after you at all times. Other workers trying to tear you down. Constantly staying up with sexual fads. Then there is committing to this. Because, once that shit is online it will be almost impossible to find a job. Especially in an overcrowded job market like today’s. Then you have to understand unless you have a boyfriend who was like me, super desperate, or a cuck it’ll be hard to find an actual relationship with this line of work. You’ll be wasting your best years and, a few after you retire, over money that will be gone by the time you’re in your mid to late 20s. There are hordes of 18 year olds looking to make that quick buck. Every hour someone younger then you just signed up. You can even see the old porn star delimma of trying to find a mate after they did porn. They just did porn from the years of 18-22 and still have a hard time finding a long term boyfriend once they are 24+.

In the end, her parents found out. Told her she had to stop or they’d disown her. They helped her pay her way through college and last I heard she now has a job again. Of course, that took 6 damn years for someone to hire her. Like many cam girls I’ve met throughout the years we just drifted away, and many don’t have happy endings like her. The ones whose phone numbers I had? They’re all in my old phones. Forgotten. Those who were added to different social media? Slowly faded away. Outside of this ex there’s only two others I cared about. Nina, the Russian girl who vanished. Then there’s Green (using a code name), a girl from Kyrg who moved to Greece for a better life and was afraid of moving back home. I still get emails of job listings in Greece from when I was helping her find a job. Both are but distant memories that helped restore my faith in people. However, those are stories for another day.

Yo, so, life got super crazy. If the birthday post didn’t make that obvious. No clue what I will talk about since things are still a bit hectic, but it is fine.

I am working on more detailed blog posts coming up. I just want to explain something, kind of odd. My website is picking up traffic around the world, again. I’ve never understood why ever since it was Elvenmonk.tk I had people from around the world viewing my site and not for like 1 minute at a time but actually staying on the site. It’s crazy. Due to this I will try to explain somethings in better detail if I feel it is too western or too American of an idea or phrase.

But I am writing a D&D campaign now. They seem to like it. I am playing guitar again, yay, and working on getting back into programming. An update for my game. So, I was originally making it in RPG maker to have it be super simple. Because I decided to change the core mechanic of moving I would need to rewrite so much in RPG maker that it is too much effort, especially with JavaScript. So, off to Unity I go. Lets add a year to the last expected release date.